Who am I?

I go by the nick YBNORMAL2 because I never fit in very well and never really had real life friends. I remember having a friend in 1st grade, 3rd grade and then in 6th grade. We didn't actually play or anything but they said they were my friend and I listened to them talk. By High School I was pretty much ignored maybe teased occasionaly. I pretty much spent 4 years trying not to be noticed even hideing out in the library during lunch to avoid sitting with anyone.

Ok people exaust me. I am much happier by myself. I do consider myself a loner but am far from lonely.

I have always seen the world as a Jigsaw and I was a piece from a different puzzle. I always seemed just a little out of sync.

Another way to look at it is the world is like a picture. That people make up the dots and they blend together. Not everyone can blend in though, they are on the frame. Hanging out on the edge. I realised my place in the frame of life, I am not jealous of the colors of the picture anymore. It's all am illusion anyway..

When I was a kid I was considered shy. I did not talk, LOL.. teachers were always calling my mother all she would say was "She talks at home so when she has something to say she will say it"

I see personalities on a Bell curve with most people in the middle. I'm on the end on the Lone wolf catagory I prefer to be by myself. I can fit in to an extent but still feel somewhat out of sync. You just have to get use to figuring out what people really mean..

Most of what they do I think it out of habit. Like they say Good morning your supposed to say Good morning back. If they ask how's it going? you say fine and you? They don't really want to know how your doing it's a habit of exchange. So you lie and say fine even if it isn't.

The same way Christians throw the word LOVE around.. They don't really mean it. They can tear you down and crush you and say they do it in LOVE? I think Love is a Christain word so they are expected to say it but they don't always mean it kinda like the How are you bit.. they don't really want to know.. It's a habit or is it a ritual? Hmmmmmmmm

Society in general follows a script of ceremonious habits which it forces onto the masses in the name of conformity. I think the people on both ends of the curve don't follow the script.

We are all different and if it does not affect salvation whats the problem ya know?

I like to explore how to deal the personality God gave me. I was told there can be no Lone Wolf Christians that God ment us for fellowship. I would like to see those who are out of Sync and the the regular Christians get together. Maybe get a better understanding of people. Christians can be so intolerant of things that do not affect salvation.

One thing I don't like about church is people seems to like shakeing your hand.

I never liked being touched. I tolerate the handshakeing politely but I find it creepy and rather annoying. I don't want to offend people so I do it *hmmm am I trying to follow the script here?* But worse is when someone holds your elbow with one hand while shaking with the other hand... UGH!!!!!!

Sometimes when I'm not in the mood for this nonsense I will be late for church on purpose just to miss the handshaking bit. I have it timed so I can show up just after and not miss any of the preaching or last couple of hymns before the sermon actually starts..

I was about 26 or 27 before I learned to look people in th eye when I talked to them I would get real bad butterflies andmy thoughts would be all scrambled. I tolerate it pretty good now. In fact I don't think people even notice I don't like it. OK I'm quite good at it now LOL I guess I'm just a late bloomer. Amazing what we can learn if we have to. Actually I think I'm quite good with people now. Hey all you have to do is learn the script ;)

I think it is a matter of desentizing yourself so that it stops being painful when looking at people. It does after a few years :)

The first time I was really social was when I first got online and discovered chat rooms. I really do think that chatting online and watching others interact in chat rooms helped me talk in real life. LOL.. I could have up to 6 chat screens open at once fascinated by the interaction between people. I was a good lurker took a while before I actually started chatting much. Now I pretty much just chat in delphi. Click the link at the top to my Juxtaposition forum :)

I have learned more online than I ever could in real life..

And Believe it or not I really did like my childhood.

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