"Western culture separates money and love completely? Let me put this in most concise way possible:  We love money. Look no further that divorce court. ...  We love money so much, we are uncomfortable talking about it openly. Why do we get so upset if a Thai asks us about it? What do we have to hide? What are we *afraid of* ? ... We are afraid of revealing our salaries to our friends and neighbors, but then we judge ourselves, other people, and success based on salary and wealth. ... I too had "idealized" views about love and money before spending a lot of time in Asia, because of what I wanted to believe about myself and my culture. ...  We do not have a culturally balanced attitude about money. And it is not "separated" from love. ... This point is clear to most Thais but opaque to us.  Thais observe about us "Why american always so upset about money, think think think about money? Money is outside body." I don't think we really understand that basic point."  Samisurat

"Love should be love, and money is money, and they don't mix well. ... Not the same in Thai culture. Love is commonly expessed through money, even direct cash gifts. ... Giving cash to your loved one is a way of showing your generosity, and is linked inextricably with love. ... But a farang and a Thai watching the same event will often have a very different reaction. Farang will say, "why do you want my money, do you love me, or my money?" and the Thai will say "why won't you share your money, do you love me, or your money?" Thrst1

"Yes, there are cultural differences including language, but unless you grew up across the street from your intended there will be cultural differences no matter what.  To be blunt, what makes Thai women a bad bet for 'most' farang men has little to do with the woman being Thai, and most everything to do with the type of man who hasn't been able to be successful in relationships in their home country. ... Some people get lucky, some people make their luck through hard work, and others blame everyone but themselves because it's easier than looking at themselves. ... Blaming an entire nationality of women for any problems I may be having doesn't make sense.  ... Marriage is a lot of work and sometimes no matter how hard you work at it, it just doesn't work out.. but if it's going to work at all it takes serious commitment, realistic expectations, a sense of fairness, and willingness to compromise from both parties. If someone was responsible about their choice of women, and has this commitment, then it doesn't make a difference if she's from the East or West."  Bkksw

"Having just celebrated our 30th anniversary about a month ago, in a T/F marriage, Maow and I have butted heads more times than I can count. ... I firmly believe the responsibility for resolving differences is more the husband's than it is the wife's. First of all, I constantly reminded myself of what was HER perspective: what all SHE had given up to come to the US with me: her language, her culture, her family - everything she knew, that gave her her identity, was GONE. ... That helped me realize the tremendous amount of stress she was under so I often had to bend over backwards to give her the benefit of the doubt and not respond in kind when she snapped at me unreasonably. Two little words came in handy a LOT: I'm Sorry. Even if it wasn't my fault I used those words a lot to help defuse the situation and to try to encourage her that I would be there for her. ... You'll need a LOT of patience - and a lot of "I'm sorry's." Remember, the woman ALWAYS has the last word in any fight. Anything a man says after that - is just the start of another fight. ;-)  Skip

"So many times I read anecdotes or opinions by farang men complaining about how their Thai woman expects them to follow the Thai tradition, and their response is often along the lines of, "what about my tradition - we're going to do it my way or she's history." ... My feeling on this generic issue is that we shouldn't discuss individual topics, such as sinsot, under this generic umbrella of her tradition v his tradition. On the whole, for a successful relationship both partners are going to find themselves giving up or compromising on some of their cultural beliefs and preferences to find a blend that they can both accept and live happily with. ... I don't think there is one monolithic 'Thai way'. There is a theme, and there are many diverse variations on the theme. We farang are often blind to those variations because the general theme is sufficiently different from our own."  Jeff

"For me personally what I had to offer was more appreciated in Thailand than America. Part of that is undeniably the value Thai's place on security. ...The desire for safety supercedes the lust for physical perfection. To Americans this often comes across as gold digging, but I find that hypocritical. I think there is greater honesty to this approach, than the common American equivalent of wanting status, women coquettishly seeking Abercrombie and Fitch men, with a clean cut look who's presentable to their peers. American women who can typcially financially support themselves and often have the upperhand in dating due to men aggresively pursuing women in America, exchange the need for money with the need for status. ... I had to go where what I had to offer was appreciated."  Bigbeast

And to "lighten" things up a bit...

"There a two basic types of pastrami, fatty vs. non-fatty. Within these categories there a a few subcategories...NY vs. non-NY, Jewish vs non Jewish vs Kosher etc. Lindy's and someother famous places I would classify as fatty style which can also be said as NY Jewish style pastrami. Without a doubt, the best place in America for this kind of pastrami is Katz's Deli ...in the lower East side of Manhattan. Many of you are familiar with this place from the movie "When Harry Met Sally", where she did the fake orgasm scene over a pastrami sandwich. ... Whatever it is, it is absolutely delicious. I took my wife's Issan parents there last September, and Bee told me that when she talks to them on the phone, they still rave about the pastrami at Katz's. Finally I found a Thai with whom I have something in common with. ... "  Jaybloom

• Help Wanted…

As the US Marines ad goes, “We’re looking for a few good men” (or women)...more specifically, writers and tech wizards.  TFB needs volunteers who are willing to help write “reference-type” material for the TFB Webpage on topics such as immigration, assimilation, cultural issues, relationship issues, etc.  The articles should be something more than your typical two-paragraph post, but it doesn't have to be a lengthy dissertation either.  If anyone is interested, please email Hono.  Also, if there are any tech wizards out there with expertise in HTML, TFB needs you as well. 

Sawadee... That’s it for this first edition.  I hope to put more things in future editions of the newsletter, and I’ll keep working on the TFB Webpage (updates will be posted in the TFB Webpage thread in the General Folder).  For now, sawadee and please KEEP ON POSTING! 
Regards, Hono (8-11-05)  E-mail